Pants 0. Shit 1.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
