I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
