So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
