Ambien. No doubt about it.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
