I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
