Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
