ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
