I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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