i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
