Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
God, I missed his penis.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
