you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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