He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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