Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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