dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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