im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
