i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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