i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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