Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
