My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
