Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
