I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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