either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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