is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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