Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
