I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Did I show you my penis last night?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
