College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
