Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
