When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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