I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
