I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
is it fun? or sober?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize