I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
