im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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