im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
