I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize