He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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