3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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