dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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