So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
