i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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