butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
