a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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