just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
