Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
