On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
