All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
