explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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