If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
