last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
