dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
