Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This toilet bowl is my home.
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