where does the pee come out of this thing
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize