I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
