Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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