Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
