and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Randomize
