the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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