Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
