i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
