i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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