What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
