Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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