What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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