You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
