We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
