I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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