If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
