I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
