dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
