People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
