He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
