she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is the high leading the old right now
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
