I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
