I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
