my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
