i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
