i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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